Can Marriage Survive Infidelity?

Former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is putting his acting career on hold. The news comes as shockwaves continue to ripple about Schwarzenegger fathering a child with a housekeeper 14 years ago. The former governor's wife, Maria Shriver, moved out of the couple's home. 

Can a marriage survive cheating? Tim Bouman, founder of the Atlanta Center for Marriage , had some answers.

Information:

Statistics

• The Kinsey institute reports that 20-25% of men and 10-15% of women are unfaithful at least once during the marriage
• In western countries, 25-50% of divorces cite infidelity as the primary reason for their divorce.
• I am not aware of any research that says how many couples survive infidelity but they vast majority of couples that I’ve counseled reconcile and thrive in their marriage after 12 months.

Signs a spouse is cheating

• Affairs are commonly discovered because of cell phone records, text messages and emails

Can a couple recover?

• Absolutely yes. Couples should attempt reconciliation. If they are able to reconcile, each partner benefits, their children benefit and their friends and family benefit as well.
• Infidelity can be the catalyst to cause a couple to deal with their marriage issues before an affair.

Steps to reconciliation

• Once the affair is out in the open, find a good marriage counselor who has experience working with infidelity
• Completely sever the relationship with the other man / other woman – even business connections
• Talk frequently. It’s not unusual for couples to talk every day for long periods of time after an affair is discovered.
• Don’t hide information – answer your spouse’s questions honestly. Continuing to conceal information further breaks down trust
• Give your spouse permission to be angry. Unfaithfulness is one of the most painful things a person can every go through, be patient with them.
• Do things to rebuild trust ex) Answer your phone as often as possible when your spouse calls, travel less, let them look at your cell phone whenever they want
• A marriage intensive retreat can speed up recovery after an affair